I already believed so. Today, devoid of so many labels and seeking to sentence less judgments, I would easily say no. Today, I don’t think we should go over our weaknesses, difficulties or challenges to meet a socially applauded ending profile. I think we should honor our feelings and instincts.
Not everything is flowers and not everything is so simple, each story carries its weight and uniqueness, often politically incorrect outcomes are bad but they are the best we could do at that moment.
This questioning made me travel in my history, in my 30 years of life and in the affective relationships that I had to live through until the present moment. Doing the math, I see that so far I carry with me 3 dates + 2 rolls that needed to be finished. Five people who needed to have final points discussed in my story, whether that score was a wish of the other, or just a wish of mine.
If I stick to dating, I will say that my first boyfriend broke up with me and I thought I was going to die. I was 20, crazy about him and didn’t see all the emotional manipulation that existed in our relationship. He built it so that the day he broke up with me I endorsed everything he ever said about the predictions that I would never find someone who would love me like him, or worse. I stopped eating, I couldn’t sleep and spent a whole sleepless night. For 6 months he cooked me and I kept falling, until one day it was over. He died for me, I saw the manipulation and discovered that life needed to be lived. I boarded a plane for a new year, a new life and after that trip the power he once had over me had been completely eliminated.
It was at this time that my understanding process started that there is no protocol for the end, it happens at the bar table, in the cafe, on the beach, at lunch or in the juice shop, always with tears, always in pain, even when we would you like. Even when it comes with relief.
On my next courtship, there were 2 “times” he asked for before the final break. I never threatened to finish, never in 6 years did I do that. After the emotional violence experienced in my first serious relationship, I never allowed myself to be frivolous about these things. But the first time the word “ending” came to mind, it didn’t take me a month to announce the end.
I spent the 5 days before that date thinking about how to do it, where and under what circumstances. Again came the feeling that there is no time and no place for this type of conversation. There were no rules for the end. I took a taxi, arranged for him to get off and ended up there, in a corner of a concierge on Barra beach. It was so bizarre that I don’t even remember much, I deleted that day from memory, but again I saw that there was no right methodology for any kind of end.